My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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