my soul wont recognize me after tonight
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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