No stitches, just platelets and will power
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
