I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
