I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Randomize
