Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
