You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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