I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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