Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
