pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
