Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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