I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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