Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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