I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
