U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
