what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
