Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
