I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize