the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
