why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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