Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
