So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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