a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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