are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
