You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
