i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize