my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
