so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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