Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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