she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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