You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
