I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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