Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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