It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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