I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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