just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
