i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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