I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
