I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
