Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
