u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
