your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
