i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
