Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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