So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
