Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
