i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
