so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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