turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
