you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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