11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
please don't ironically join a cult
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