Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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