Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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