Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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