I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Ketchup is God's man juice
Princesses don't give blow jobs
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
