Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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