her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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