he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
