I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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