I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
