You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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