Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize