I hate all girls vehemently.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize