; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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