so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
