Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
