Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
