I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
